Sighs in my pillows

sigh. blank. macky says its two o’clock. yet my whole system says 2pm.

Nowadays, whenever I hear his name, I no longer feel anything. The used to be thorn i guess finally lost its prickly effect directed to my heart. The vexed expression I used to feel everytime the topic is him has also gone down somewhere.

I can not think of any more right or better cliche than time heals all wounds. I have been wounded, several times, by different persons at certain degree, to the extent of losing a dear friend who is someone so damn close to my heart. The time has come. All my wounds were healed. From the love of my life to my almost lover, and all the guys in between. But the wounded heart will always be wounded, no matter how long it will take to be healed. The heart says everything is in order now that the wound was healed, but how about the mind that worked hand in hand with the heart the time it was broken or in the process of healing? Can it be easily swayed by the heart? Will the wounds be forgotten by the mind? Geezz, don’t mind then.

My wounded-healed-foreverwounded-healed heart still longs for someone. I do not give up the notion of me singing this is it… Yes, wounded, never learned my lessons despite the countless heartbreaks. As they say, this world is a life long lessons. Lessons to be learned will not stop, it’s like asking for cars not to pass edsa. Why i suddenly came up with this notion? of the wounded-healed-wounded thing? yeah yeah i saw his blog earlier and it took me again by surprise (back to him again). I thought… I thought…. Nothing!!! Somehow seeing him hurt and happy puts my hopes high, that moment will also come to me, to be happy and contented.

I don’t think it is wise for me to say matters of the heart since I am contributing to a high percentage of unemployed Filipinos, for almost two months now. Is it really my fault? Yeah maybe, I am to blame. I admit I wasn’t that strong and stable when reality shook me. And I am done and tired making any more excuses and/or explanations. Thousands of ideas are crossing my mind. They are now again juggling, wanting for my brain to ask the nerves to deliver to my hands the message that they also wanted to be put here. But I can’t. I am sorry. One at a time. My blogging puts my heart at rest.

As of today, MAY 1, 30 days before my 24th birthday, I realized (and still realizing) these things:

1. I am over him, I will never deny that I wished he is mine.

2. I am thankful that God has shown His way of telling me that he really isn’t the one for me. I am sticking to that thought.

3. I am sometimes too engrossed with other people that I am losing my sanity (haha)

4. Blogging after all can be my life.

5. Alcoholic drink is not a potable water.

6. I really am looking forward spending time with circle people in a beach

7. Zambales is zambales. No longer that appealing (i am sorry bonds)

8. I can afford not to come with bonds in Zambales.

9. Baliwag! Baliwag!

10. Agriculture is still my industry, my preferred industry.

TEN THINGS AS OF MAY 1, 2008. I am wide awake, time check macky? 2:30 AM. sighs in my pilllow

The Troubled Quitter

There is this young lady. Right after she obtained her college degree, she was able to got herself a job, then resigned because of the better opportunity for her career. Then went to look for another job again. For more than a year, she stayed in that company but didnt renew her contract to look for another thing. So you can see, its a cycle, a vicious one. Two months has passed yet she is still looking for something in her latest work, wondering if the work perse or some other mind-juggling stuff. Whatever it is, she is now troubled. She wants to quit, although she wears that attitude of not a quitter.

She’s troubled and she’s a quitter. How mean the world could be to her? You know why she is troubled? Because she cannot think of a better way to say “i quit“.

They say, nothing can beat the simple and direct manner of conveying things. She could put this on her boss’ table:

She is a little blunt there and quite a loser. Maybe, maybe this one:

Words OVER ACTING are perfect. Now, she really is troubled. She badly wants to quit. Who would not be nervous of their first times?

First times always leave a mark.

Honestly, there is no better way of sending your resignation but to say I QUIT. Difficulty is doing it.

When you have this urge to leave,to go out and look for other matters, no one can stop you. only yourself.

No stops.

Okai. So here it goes. i need and have to write

I made promises, several of them, which were all broken. yeah yeah we all know that, but then i do have my own reasons. I wont stop. I’ll write everything that crosses my mind, my mind wanting to explode. From Cavite to Manila. Wherever I go, mindful things never failed to leave me, even for a minute. Start. ok, so i did start seconds ago. Write.

work.

My day wasn’t good, scolded by my boss because of that livelihoods. More of my fault, he’s the boss nga eh! kulit kulit kasi noh. Still, thankful to my workload cause it gives my day a different path, a lot better than the path i choose every night (i am being consistent here, what path? emotions that can cause a breakdown, of course, i wont be having a nervous one) anyway, LEAP YEAR. for all those who know me, there will be a fourth year celebration…. enough. february seems the best and worst month for me.

family.

cant say how good but then worst—FAMILY. i really wont stop, i wont let anyone stop me. my father has a cancer. yes, hate to think but it’s the one really bothering me and the rest of my family, who wouldn’t be bothered? sigh…. (little stop). and now, issues started between siblings, perfect moment to wish that we were all young again. stay young and have little fight, fights when you get older feel bad.

chorvas.

the past two trainings we had were both successful. met and entertained exclusively for a week, take note, one each training. un un eh! mr raveesha and mr nik. NIK is very different, aside from being a muslim, super demanding! he brought me to baywalk! my first time there honestly. here’s me and my nik:

really my nik huh? no he isn’t mine, he’s married. like what i told him, we we’ll never see each other again but i am very happy that once in my life i met a wonderful person.

friends.

i know i have lots of friends. right now, i want jefferson to remember me. a simple message of how am i doing will be highly appreciated, yet i heard nothing. hmph. least person i expected to respond to my not-so-good-night-everynight was yets. magparamdam ka parejoy! wanna see a movie with mav. she’s quite busy also. it’s getting late. have to stop, but i cant.

other matters.

my yahoo mail account has 984 unread message. that is how busy i am. not to mention my other yahoo mail account (the formal) and my mac account. another thing. mac. haven’t fully utilized yet. i need a break to do all things i need to do for myself.

i am so tired. physically and emotionally.

i am wondering who can help me???

OR

what can i do?

now im jaded….

Nothing

i’ll get back to you.. here.. i promise.

despite the heavy work and mindful things.. i promise.

i will have a new entry. there are lots of things stored in this life. want to bare them all out. sucks man.

but i really do need to say, write or anything.

indians, work, family, heart, friends, clothes. this week.

Lost and will never be found

For a day I thought my world has crashed into me when i should be celebrating for the arrival of KEIRA AUDREY. (What a lovely babe!)….

… stop… stop

… stop

I am keeping this thing only to myself. But this day has turned out to be one of the simplest and best days of my life when i finally found myself smiling and things no longer hurt. A big thanks to Norman Antonio, for he has listened to my unending issues with men, it was a brief talk but well appreciated. What he said isnt different to what my buddies say, i only got tired of hearing same words so i better do what has been told!

He might be lost from my system sooner or later, when he finally does, i hope he will never be found.

overweight

i can’t get over it! the other night, i was looking for a pair of jeans, after a week interchanging just 2 pants, none of my pants in the cabinet fitted me! wow! this is my worst…. highest level of fats in my body. whew.

i have to work for my body. but i dont have much time for a gym.

nowadays, EATING has been my new favorite. (